Friday, September 26, 2014

Let’s Use Our Indoor Voices, Shall We?

Below is an amusing response to my blog article Voice Damage Need Not Sideline Football Fans
By: Mark Williams, Jr

This is unbelievable. Renee Grant-Williams, a voice expert—where was this major when I was in school? I had to settle for taste management—compiled a list of “to-don’ts” regarding protecting your voice against strain and apparent long-term damage—inflicting chaos brought onto the lungs of sports fans who perpetually yell and scream during games.

“Whenever anyone yells repeatedly, it puts severe friction and pressure on their vocal cords. An enthusiastic fan risks becoming hoarse, losing their voice or even developing nodes” says Grant-Williams.

I’m sorry for interrupting, Ms. Grant-Williams…but can you possibly explain what the hell “nodes” are?

"Nodes are like calluses, they form on the vocal cords to protect them for strain. However, nodes get in the way and keep the vocal cords from fitting together cleanly, causing the voice to become hoarse and unpredictable. Over time, these nodes may require surgery."

Ok, that’s what I thought.

So our resident voice expert details a list of suggestions to protect that golden voice of yours. (West coast fans notwithstanding):

"1. Dress appropriately. Layering clothing so the layers can be removed or added as needed. Fans attending the game should take a warm scarf to protect the throat."

 We prefer the removing of layers, thank you. 

"2. Drink plenty of fluids. Limit beverages that dehydrate, such as alcohol and caffeinated drinks."
Ah yes, what is a sporting event without
the irresponsible consumption of green tea?

"3. Eat smart. Eat a good balance of protein and carbohydrates. Limit the intake of salty foods like salted nuts and chips."

How can you even utter the ords "eat smart" when referring
to ballgame habits? Maybe YOU should lay off the nuts.

"4. When expressing support for your team breathe low and support the yelling by contracting your lower abdominal muscles. Do not scream from the throat."

This is a sporting event, not a church or Lamaze class. Apparently,
you haven't been doing much screaming lately. It's good for the soul.

Fortunately, you can contact voice guru Renee Grant-Williams at 615-244-3280. I strongly advise everyone to call up when you have a moment and just scream extremely loud and obnoxiously. Then set up an appointment for voice cleansing.


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